I Dare You to Get Old!

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Age and DNA – we can run from them, but we can’t hide! One of the most painful times that I recall with my mom was after her knee replacement, when she was v-e-r-y slowly padding around with a walker for support. As I painfully watched her mincingly creep across a room, and then agonize down a single step to my patio, so many feelings toward her surfaced that made no rational sense. Anger, pity, anger, doubts, anger, compassion, fear … I understood the pity, doubts, the compassion, even the fear. But the overwhelming anger was a ‘grabber’ that confused, made me ashamed, and shook my foundation!

Then it snapped in — how dare my mom who was my first person, my constant person, and my always person get OLD! All of my vulnerability surfaced…all of my insecurities shouted out in protest. Once I faced that in my mirror, admitted it to myself and accepted the experience, I forgave myself and let the crippling stuff go. She healed -she’s my octogenarian super-hero -and I healed and became much wiser from that shared-mirror lesson.
(Go catch her in action with my sister lbeth on https://nutsrok.wordpress.com)

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29 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gh0stpupp3t
    Mar 25, 2015 @ 18:55:45

    My nana aged well.. she was very beautiful. I want white hair like her. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. lbeth1950
    Mar 25, 2015 @ 19:20:43

    She bounces back!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. hiccup
    Mar 25, 2015 @ 21:43:23

    Oh my goodness! I thought you and lbeth were friends, not sisters! How awesome is that!

    Loved – and related – to your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Phyllis
    Mar 25, 2015 @ 23:12:04

    Yep, she’s been my sister almost as long as I’ve been hers! Lol 🙂

    Like

    Reply

  5. ErikaKind
    Mar 26, 2015 @ 04:54:32

    I totally understand your feelings.

    Like

    Reply

  6. sonniq
    Mar 26, 2015 @ 09:10:38

    I understand. My mother is 82. She and I are more alike than she is with my sisters. You read the post I wrote about being tired of trying to make family love me when they don’t. My mom is still trying to find ways to bring my sisters and I together and “talk it out”. She doesn’t want to leave this earth without her daughters being reconciled. I had left home so long ago. The black sheep returns. We’re in our early 60’s now. I don’t think it’stots got a ghost of a chance of happening.

    My mother is incredible. Her schedule exhausts me. She’s like the ever ready bunny. Wind her up and off she goes. She’s always in her car taking off on a trip somewhere. Having this time with her now and living one block away has us together a lot now since I returned home almost 5 years ago. We can sit and talk hour after hour and never run out of things to say. I can see some failings. Of course. She’s 82. Short term memory is going. She forgets from one week to the next if I told her something. The thought if her not being here breaks my heart but it’s going to come. So I’m filling as much of my memory of her as I can. I have one sister who can’t stand being around her and has been so verbally negative toward her for so many decades. It breaks her heart and she keeps trying. Why is family so often so hateful – on purpose?

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    • Phyllis
      Mar 26, 2015 @ 11:46:18

      Your mom sounds like an amazing mentor and role model, detaching from the victim/martyr cloak that she could be clinging to – what a blessing to you and for you! I truly believe people do the best they can with where they are (with what they know). So sad for your your mom and you that your sisters have isolated you.

      Like

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  7. robertmgoldstein
    Mar 26, 2015 @ 12:57:54

    I know your Mom from your Sister’s blog. Your Mom is a real inspiration and so is your sister. I’m glad I’ve found your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. justapersonlikeyou
    Mar 26, 2015 @ 13:12:05

    I remember the vulnerability of my father and the struggle I had within when he was too frail to walk, I became depressed for him until he reassured me that it was his struggle and his life and that I had to be there for my children. Even though his body was frail his heart always show me he loved me. Nice share Phyllis. ::)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Phyllis
      Mar 26, 2015 @ 13:33:28

      Very wise and gracious of your father to distinguish between your path and his and then allow you to gracefully move back into yours. And applaud yourself for honoring his choice.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  9. Divorce With Me
    Mar 26, 2015 @ 20:46:39

    This was very sweet…she sounds like an amazing woman!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Phyllis
    Mar 27, 2015 @ 11:26:04

    You’re so right! And amazingly, she’s still building momentum!

    Like

    Reply

  11. authorsbmazing
    Mar 29, 2015 @ 15:02:48

    Not easy to accept that people we always looked up to grow old… Almost as much of a challenge as realising that we are too.

    Like

    Reply

  12. emovoid
    Mar 30, 2015 @ 20:09:47

    I just can’t get past the fact that your octogenarian mother has a blog. That’s so cool! My Mum is in her early sixties and, like most people of her generation, she’s clueless about technology and slightly suspicious of it. I managed to lure her into the 21st Century by introducing her to sites like eBay and Groupon, at which point her frugality outweighed her technophobia.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Phyllis
      Apr 02, 2015 @ 15:15:22

      I love your comments! They are so on target for the masses. My mom rides in the ‘sidecar’ with my sis’s blog, but she definitely walks to a different drum (you’ll probably enjoy her story/photo on the back of a Harley with a biker group). BUT she definitely does not navigate the techno world! Thanks for the kind words…
      As for my blog and technology, necessity (and survival) are strong motivators. I had to carve out a new life at mid-fifties, and I LOVE IT! (check my website, http://www.hypnosisovereasy.com)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. emovoid
    Mar 30, 2015 @ 20:15:25

    Well, I just noticed that a lot of the folks around here are in their sixties—way to put my foot into my mouth! All I can say in my defence is that you’re a lot more technologically competent than most of the 60-somethings I know.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. Good Woman
    Apr 05, 2015 @ 15:35:14

    I am chuckling about 60 somethings and technology. I am 60 something and had to learn a great deal about technology in my job. Either I had to learn it or get left behind. It is all in the circumstances of life…you learn what you need to learn. My mom is no longer with me but I really identify with coming to terms with aging through your parents’ own aging.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Phyllis
    Apr 05, 2015 @ 20:08:55

    Oh yes, there’s a lot of pushing back on the inside about the never-ending changes and ‘improvements’ that come with technology and the vulnerability that underlies. WooHoo, what a ride!

    Like

    Reply

  16. Faraday's Candle
    Apr 13, 2015 @ 13:44:07

    You have brought a different world to us!

    Like

    Reply

  17. 365dniwobiektywielg
    May 09, 2015 @ 12:43:37

    Great idea !!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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