Is Your Mirror Cracked?

Broken Reflection

Broken Reflection

My truth is not your truth! And truth is fluid – what I believed five minutes ago can change in a blink of an eye! There are very few Universal Laws, and I’m reminded of this law of truth in judgement on a weekly – perhaps daily – basis in the work with my clients. We are able to see the personalities and emotions of those around us, and we think we know a lot about ourselves, but it’s rather like playing the game of relationships with mirrors. I can only know who you are through my mirror of my experiences, my wisdom, my strengths and weaknesses, my likes or dislikes… And you can only know who I am through your mirror of your own life journey.

For us to try to bypass our own mirrors to judge those around us is to render distorted opinions and faulty judgement. Jack Nicholson’s line from An Officer and a Gentleman – “You can’t handle the truth” – comes to mind regarding our ability to recognize ourselves in a crystal-clear mirror. Don’t get too close, don’t look too long…the image continues to change, so don’t get too attached! Should we care so much what opinion another person has of us?

  • Is it really our business what is in their mirror?
  • Which side of the courtroom do you most often support in your own life – the prosecution or the defense?
  • Doesn’t this release a lot of need for judgement?

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jjz3
    Feb 28, 2015 @ 22:17:42

    Thanks for this Phyllis. Lately I’ve been on the hard side of people believing they know the “facts” about me when what they know is actually the story, the opinion of someone else about me. I’ve always liked the idea that each of us is a mystery to others, even in our closest relationships. And even what passes between two people who know each other well is fraught with a whole host of interpretive lenses. Thanks for the reminder here.



    • Phyllis
      Mar 01, 2015 @ 01:22:03

      It’s empowering when we find that spark of a shared truth that matches ours, isn’t it? Having grown up in a home built with walls of rules, I walked the Judgement Journey for lots of years. It took half a lifetime of living tightly ‘in-the-box’, watching others ‘sin and enjoy life’ before I saw clearly. Once I looked into my mirror without judgement and realized that I had choice in experiences and a choice in perception, my harsh opinions of myself stopped tempering my opinions of others. Freedom from judgement — aah!

      Liked by 1 person


  2. Good Woman
    Mar 21, 2015 @ 19:15:04

    This is my first visit to your blog and I can really relate to this post. I feel that at one point in my life I was extremely judgmental, which was probably rooted in my own insecurities. I have worked hard to overcome that and to embrace the diversity in people. That has really helped me. This post really resonated with me.

    Liked by 1 person


    • Phyllis
      Mar 21, 2015 @ 22:37:37

      Bravo to you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts (and your vulnerability). To trust yourself enough to release judgement is to open and walk through the the door was never locked – freedom!



  3. Dewin Nefol
    Mar 22, 2015 @ 22:02:23

    Hey Phyllis,

    Thank you for a thoughtful and enjoyable read that left me turning between glimpses of myself in a bid to see the bigger picture in my own hall of mirrors…a not so enjoyable experience! But with time and good grace will come wisdom and a more rounded acceptance of the relationships that colour my life…both those that I have with others and that which I have with myself. Indeed, your post put me in mind of William Blake’s words, which I find describes the loss of a dimension of inner freedom when perception is titled to deny the perfect view…’“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.”

    As for my thoughts… Reflection, perception and the experience of an outer world mirrored upon the glittering of mercury’s flowing form and impressed within the sensitive heart…our mind an orchestrated intermediary of infinite complexity with capacity to earnestly seek out the nature of life, and our heart a receptacle gentle enough to sense the soul within all things. So what use then in fashioning an inner world that seeks to prejudice a perception of the outer world by imposing artificial and superficial limits on the experience of being alive in both…

    Have a wonderful week… 🙂


    DN – 22/03/2015

    Liked by 1 person


    • Phyllis
      Mar 24, 2015 @ 23:54:02

      Thanks so much for sharing yourself and your wisdom – Life walked in, and it took me a while to have time to respond in like kind.
      Jack Nicholson’s line from An Officer and a Gentleman, “You can’t handle the truth” comes to mind regarding our ability to recognize ourselves in a crystal-clear mirror. Don’t get too close, don’t look too long…the image continues to change, so don’t get too attached!

      Liked by 1 person


  4. Judith StClaire
    Mar 25, 2015 @ 10:04:43

    Very well said! Now, add age to the mix for increased complication and angst.

    First, age has a certain look to it. When she got old, my mother, a vibrant woman with a brilliant mind, used to complain about strangers treating her like age made her stupid. Until I witnessed it, I thought she simply was an old person complaining. (Hmmm. Judgmental. Ya think?)

    Second, age has descended upon me, as inevitably it will upon everyone if they live long enough. With age comes a dark cloak of, “Been There, Seen That” which results in impatience with others and often is interpreted as a right to judge others for who and what they are. Now, into this mix, add aches and pains in joints and failing of organs and what do we see? A cranky elder, sometimes housebound, who has lost all patience with people and is afraid of the future. She is more alone than with others, and she hates what she sees in the mirror. (This writer excepted, of course.)

    Liked by 1 person


    • Phyllis
      Mar 25, 2015 @ 11:50:03

      Yes, age and DNA – we can run from them, but we can’t hide!One of the most painful times that I recall with my mom was after her knee replacement, when she was v-e-r-y slowly padding around with a walker for support. As I painfully watched her mincingly creep across a room, and then agonize down a single step to my patio, so many feelings toward her surfaced that made no rational sense. Anger, pity, anger, doubts, anger, compassion, fear … I understood the pity, doubts, the compassion, even the fear. But the overwhelming anger was a ‘grabber’ that confused, made me ashamed, and shook my foundation!

      Then it snapped in — how dare my mom who was my first person, my constant person, and my always person get OLD! All of my vulnerability surfaced…all of my insecurities shouted out in protest. Once I faced that in my mirror, admitted it to myself and accepted the experience, I forgave myself and let the crippling stuff go. She healed -she’s my octogenarian super-hero- and I healed and became much wiser from that shared-mirror lesson.
      (Go catch her in action with my sister lbeth on



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