Life – Using Words to Start Over

For only the last ten years or so have I written —  

before that, I felt that my words and phrases were captured behind an impenetrable curtain. I always knew that there was a lifetime as a writer, but that ability was trapped and I would just ramble flowery and forced phrases in school. That block was strengthened in my years growing up by parents who met a mouthy comment with a stern,  “Don’t dispute my word!” It became fruitless to have an opinion in that framework. Then with my husband, communication was a very sticky issue as he never wanted to deal with emotions or philosophy (the weather was a safe topic).

When my world suddenly fell apart, and my life and my self were gone, I took a ‘why-not-I-don’t-know-what-else-to-do’ Australian pilgrimage in 2003. As I walked with Aboriginal guides through the rainforest and swam in the Great Barrier Reef, then new thoughts (ME thoughts) … began to flow. I did lots of listening and suspended judgement of what came.  I was really amazed when I first began to listen and interpret that silence into poetic form as a tool for understanding myself and life.  As I felt the feelings and chased them around in my head, then nailed them down, the new word-thoughts became elixir for my confusion. 

I always get more vision for and about myself and my journey now when I dive into the quiet place between my thoughts and awareness to write. What was survival became my healing, and ultimately my passion — thanks words!

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